Fear can be one of our biggest enemies in negotiation, but if we face it head on, it can lead to a freedom that allows us to see possibilities that we didn’t know existed.
Whether you are needing to negotiate in a relationship, in your career, or in your business, fear of loss prevents most people from negotiating. There are a flood of questions such as, “What if I end up alone? What if I don’t get the job? What if I don’t get the promotion? What if they think I’m not a team player?” And the list goes on.
We find ourselves making decisions in our lives based on the fear of loss.
The person who stays in a bad relationship too long, the person who stays on a job too long, and the person who fails to ask for a promotion or raise after continuing to take on additional responsibilities – they are all operating out of a fear of loss. This means they leave no room for the possibility of gain, increase, happiness, and living purpose in their lives.
Negotiation is not just about what we might lose; it’s about what we might gain. (Click to Tweet)
It reminds me of a movie I saw this weekend called Girl’s Trip. One of the major characters in the movie had built a brand, along with her husband, around “having it all” – only, over time, she begins to realize she doesn’t have it all.
Instead of addressing the issues in her life, she ignores them for fear of losing the social status and the economic benefits. She fears being alone and suffering financial loss.
This woman probably thought she was negotiating to get what she wanted but, actually, she was miserable. When she let go of the fear, it was then she was prepared to negotiate the various parts of her life.
Negotiation requires a strategy built to lead to a desired and intended outcome. Therefore, we must start at the point of knowing what we want. After all, it is terrible to climb the ladder, get to the top, and realize you were climbing the wrong ladder.
Here are five ways to get over the fear of negotiating:
- Understand what negotiation is and what it is not.
- Learn the skills of negotiation (becoming competent makes us confident).
- Know what you want and why. When you know your why and its long-term impact, it minimizes the fear.
- Consider the possibilities of your future in getting what you want.
- Practice doing it afraid in the small decisions/areas of your life. After all, we play the way we practice.
Over the next few weeks, we are doing the undercover work that has to be done first and that is essential to you learning the specific skills of negotiation.
For more Negotiation Tips – click here.
CALL TO ACTION:
Over the next week, write down the 1-3 things you are fearful to negotiate. Be honest with yourself. Next to each item, write down what you think you stand to lose. Then write down what you can potentially gain and the difference it would make in your life.
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Great information to overcome my fear. A wonderful written article.
Purposeful yet again!
Thank you for the wisdom and declaring that God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power and love and of a sound mind.
Thank you for the reminder.
Another great tip. In sales I know that people are motivated by either fear or pleasure so what you say makes so much sense. If you are motivated by fear it will be impossible to see what you can gain unless someone interrupts your pattern by getting you to see what you have.
In sales I know that people are motivated by either fear or pleasure so what you say makes so much sense. If you are motivated by fear it will be impossible to see what you can gain unless someone interrupts your pattern by getting you to see what you have.
This is a big one for me. Only after reading this did I realize how much I have been motivated by fear. It certainly did not look that way to me but that’s what it is. I think its important that I learn from my fear by realizing it is here to give me advanced warning so I can gain a better perspective and move forward with a different mindset. Thanks Barbra.