Understanding that sometimes it is profitable for you to be the backseat driver is critical in negotiation.
The Driver
You know these people. They are the ones who always drive. In fact, they pride themselves on being “drivers” on the DISC personality scale, on making quick decisions, on knowing where they want to go and feeling that if the world just followed them, we would all be happier. Exactly!
The Backseat Driver
And then there is the backseat driver – the person who is not driving and is either sitting in the passenger’s seat or the backseat of the car but insists on telling the driver where to go. Yes! Those people! Aggravating!
The Backseat Driver with an Edge
Then there is the “backseat driver with an edge.” You know this person, too. This is the person with whom you converse and diabolically disagree. You start out strong, feeling you are in control. By the end of the conversation, you realize a shift has taken place, but you don’t know quite what happened.
You walk away knowing you didn’t get exactly what you wanted and feeling like the other person didn’t either, but there’s this gnawing in the pit of your stomach. Your intuition tells you that the other person got much more of what they wanted than you. Yes, you have just negotiated with a backseat driver with an edge. Sharp edges can quickly cut you, burn you, and make you bleed. Sometimes you feel the pain and see the blood later. Be careful of sharp edges.
Consider the driver in a vehicle who has the responsibility of safely maintaining the vehicle on the road. He utilizes side mirrors, rear view mirrors, lights, and perhaps sensors (if he is in a fancy car) to navigate his way. The person in the passenger seat or the backseat of the car has the ability to look forward, sideways and backwards without the same responsibility.
Sometimes the backseat driver has the ability to see hidden dangers, obstacles, and conditions that the driver can’t see. It is the same thing in negotiation. At times, it is best to get out front in a negotiation process, and then there is a time to drive the negotiation process from the back seat.
Learning to effectively move from the driver’s seat to the backseat driver position is powerful!
It is non-threatening. This change of position allows for release of tension. It requires active listening and engagement, but allows the opponent to go first, while you assess where they are going, how they plan to get there, and their position (including reasoning). This gives you an opportunity to address their concerns within your pre-determined strategy and position.
You can then move the negotiation from the backseat by asking questions or stating your strategy that incorporates their concerns while also advancing your position.
Example
You are negotiating for a promotion, and the boss wants you to take on another department that you have no interest in adding to your responsibilities. You hear his thoughts behind the request and recognize that his main interest is in increasing revenue.
Understanding that his main issue is increased revenue, you indicate, “I understand your interest in my taking on additional responsibilities in another department, but I have ideas for increasing revenue by 35% within the current department within a year. In addition, I have ideas for two other products that will put us on target for increased revenue of 50% if executed within the next two years.”
You have now positioned the conversation to discuss what you want by building on his concern about increased revenue in the company.
For more Negotiation Tips – click here.
CALL TO ACTION:
Take time to be very present in your conversations this week. As a request is being made or as an individual is telling you what they desire, you should:
- Identify the core of what they want.
- Repeat the stated request within a sentence, but direct how it is to be accomplished.
This skill takes practice but, over time, you can master it!
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