Introduction to Negotiation Tips
Welcome to my weekly tips on negotiation. After thirty years of legal practice and countless negotiations, I have decided to share some tips with you that will assist you in every area of your life. You see, we negotiate every day with our spouses, children, supervisors, business clients, customers, and the list goes on. There are many levels of negotiation, but the tips you will receive here, you will be able to implement into your daily life.
Research shows that women specifically negotiate just as well as men except when it comes to negotiating for themselves…so welcome, ladies, to a brand new world. Remember, you don’t get what you want. You don’t get what you work for. You get what you negotiate. Let’s start negotiating!
Negotiation Tip 1: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Stephen Covey coined the phrase “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” It is a great mindset to have in the negotiation process. Most people are not naturally wired to think first about what another person wants prior to meeting their own needs. But as part of the process of negotiation, it is important to consider not only your desired outcome, but the position of the other party. Failure to seek to understand the position, objections, and possible resistance of the other party will result in a failed strategy. Have you ever spoken to someone who responds to you prior to you finishing your sentence? It’s a clear indication that while they should have been listening to you they were forming their own response in their head. Failure to seek first to understand most of the time results in failed negotiations.
You seek first to understand by:
- Knowing the implications or effect of what you are asking on the other party (ex: financial, positioning, etc.)
- Seeking to understand what the other party wants
- Discovering the “one thing” they can’t walk away from the table without
The answers to the above questions can be found in listening, observing, and asking the right questions. Seeking first to understand allows you to focus on the potential of the deal and not on winning at the expense of the other party losing. There are many ways to negotiate, but if you do not think beyond yourself, you will lose every time. Your goal should not be to think “winner and loser” but to think collaboratively.
Let’s begin by seeking first to understand, then to be understood.
For more Negotiation Tips – click here.
CALL TO ACTION:
Practice active listening this week. When in conversation with another person, seek first not just to hear but to understand their viewpoint, then communicate yours considering the information you just received from them.
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This tip is very critical for where I am right now. I am glad to say that I practiced these tips earlier this week and this article serves as a confirmation that I am on the right track!
Great Alethea! The more you practice this the more you will be able to develop strategy around your end goal. Happy Sailing
I love this tip! So critical to business and relationships in general. You can’t know what to sell someone if you haven’t listened first. As a coach, I’ve had three conversations this week with people working on selling and each one is struggling with this very concept. What I love is that you can practice it in your ‘safe’ relationships, such as at home, and still see the results at work! Thanks, Barbara!
Thanks Michelle. Feel free to share the blog with those who may be struggling.
I am happy to say this principle works when approaching discussion with my teen daughter. Really listening to her, attempting to see through her eyes, she feels valued and stays open. Thanks Barbara!